


just one more thing that you can't keep

by wanderinglilly



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellarke, F/M, Help, bellamy gives me all the feels, but she's very much present mind u, clarke doesn't appear for like half of the fic, he gives the guys all the feels too, i promise it's not as bad as it sounds????, post- 2x16
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3786934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderinglilly/pseuds/wanderinglilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was never meant to lead on his own, and when he no longer has a princess to lead with him, he's glad for the friends that help him share the burden.</p><p>In the years after Clarke's departure, Bellamy sits outside of Camp Jaha, looking at the horizon as if it held all the answers.<br/>-<br/>OR i made myself cry and am now writing fanfiction to relieve the pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. octavia (Someone to save you)

**Author's Note:**

> I'D BEEN DYING TO WRITE A FIC IN CANONVERSE OK  
> *child voice* and why didn't you?  
> BECAUSE I AM TRASH OK DO NOT ASK  
> This is gifted to commmanderblake on tumblr :))))  
> anyway my babies i had been planning to write this for a while but i nEEDED the playlists i made for this because this fic has two playlists that divide it -one for the early days after Clarke's departure, and the second for the years after she's been gone and when she inevitably crosses paths with the CJ crew again -but i'm spoiling this. If you want the playlist you can find it at: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-_FDnwvUPd_D31KnFgB9eeyiJkBo8lKA :)
> 
> also the song for this chapter is Someone to save you by OneRepublic and the title comes from the song No Surprise by Daughtry

**|i. octavia.**

She crosses the threshold of Camp Jaha, Lincoln by her side.

There is something eerie about the camp (there are so many missing) and Octavia cannot help but turn around to the open field surrounding the camp, and is met with an interesting view when she does so:

In the outskirts stands her brother, standing in front of a grim-looking Clarke with a pleading look in his eyes. She knows it almost instantly: Clarke’s not staying. The realization doesn’t result as pleasing as she figures it should do, given the anger she still feels towards their blonde leader –but Octavia is not mean spirited at heart, and with the battle over she can finally mourn those lost, with the possibility of her brother dying no longer hanging over her head she can think more clearly, and she finds that she can put herself on Clarke’s shoes and see how tough taking those decisions must have been, how much she must be struggling with herself in this very moment.

But understanding is not forgiving, and Octavia glares heartily and the now retreating blonde figure. Her brother turns to camp with a broken look (but aren't they all?), and if Octavia didn't know him so well she’d think that’s a tear falling from his eye (or is she just fooling herself?). She feels Lincoln tug at her arm, saying “let’s get a tent” and starting to walk but all Octavia can see is Bellamy walking off to the side of the camp, his head held down.

“My brother needs me.” Is all she says, and though she senses Lincoln wants to argue, he knows better than to try to keep her away from Bellamy, and lets go as soon as she utters the words. she gets to Bellamy’s side quickly, and he envelops her in his arms almost as soon as he sees her.

“Are you okay?” she asks in a soft voice she didn't believe she was capable of uttering anymore, but the war has left all of them raw. Bellamy makes a noncommittal noise with his throat. When they part, Octavia sees the sadness in her big brother’s eyes clearly. “She left, didn’t she?”

Bellamy lowers his gaze, nodding with his head but refusing to meet her eyes. Octavia is not blind to the bond Clarke and her brother developed in the last few weeks before Mount Weather and the days after the blonde escaped; however, she’s taken aback by the speed with which Bellamy got attached to her. She remembers him the day after Finn died ( _he would do anything for her, to protect her, it just makes sense_ ) and feels a new wave of anger towards Clarke rise in her chest. But anger is a selfish feeling, and right now she can only think of her brother.

“Come on, big brother,” she tells him, dragging him by the arm “you need to rest.”

“Are you kidding? There are a million things to do in this place!” Bellamy protests, speaking about watch schedules and making sure their friends are settled in their tents, but Octavia will hear no arguments.

“Bellamy, you probably haven't slept since before you got into that place, who knows if you've eaten, and I will strap you to a cot if I have to.” Octavia, still with her warpaint on and having power like no other over Bellamy, soon wins the discussion, and drags her brother away to a hot meal and a decent mattress, and he falls asleep to her voice singing the lullabies her mom taught her and the soft caresses she drops on his hair.

 _You tried to save everyone_ , she wistfully thinks as she looks at him one last time before getting out of his tent and making her way towards Lincoln at the mess hall, _but who was there to save you?_


	2. bellamy (and so i reach for you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the few minutes before he starts to walk, he wonders about Clarke, how far from camp she is by now, if he could catch up to her if he left right now. 
> 
> But then he thinks of her broken face as she struggled to look him in the eye and tell him she wasn’t going in. He thinks of the way her blue eyes begged him to stay and take care of all she could not and the feel of her cheek grazing his own as she gave him one first and last kiss, and he finds he can’t deprive her of her time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry??? i have so many bellamy feels. i wrote this while procrastinating on social theory homework so it's not consistent (i think) and also it is unrevised. all mistakes are mine.  
> still, i hope you like it, and the song from the title is A falling through by Ray LaMontagne.

The day after, Bellamy wakes up way before the sun.

He’s not slept since the night before he departed for the mountain with Lincoln, and though he lay down without once waking up, he doesn't feel rested as he maybe should. He stretches before he stands up; searching over the small space of the tent for the shirt that Octavia must have hidden somewhere so he didn't get out of his tent so early.

As if.

He finds it under his cot, gives some credit to his sister because even though his is bigger than some of the other tents, there is not much space to hide stuff in, and puts it on in one swift motion, then walks out of the tent, strolling to the fence. On the horizon, the first rays of sunlight are making an appearance.

He almost rests his arms on the wire of the fence before he remembers it’s electrified. Instead, he rests his back on the carcass of the Ark, crossing said arms over his chest and looking around: some guards are finishing their rounds; some tents show the shadows of their residents moving around in the light of in-tent fires. There is a quietness that comes with no longer being in mortal danger (for the moment) that doesn't sit well in Bellamy’s stomach, so he decides not to dwell on it.

He stays in that place for very long. How much, that he cannot say, but by the time he makes up his mind to go check on the kids, the sun is well up on the sky. On the few minutes before he starts to walk, he wonders about Clarke, how far from camp she is by now, if he could catch up to her if he left right now.

But then he thinks of her broken face as she struggled to look him in the eye and tell him she wasn't going in. He thinks of the way her blue eyes begged him to stay and take care of all she could not and the feel of her cheek grazing his own as she gave him one first and last kiss, and he finds he can't deprive her of her time alone.

The eight hour walk back from Mount Weather gave time for his sister to catch him up on her opinions of Clarke, and he has a feeling that Octavia thinks this is incredibly selfish of her and, hey, maybe it is, but after everything they've been through, he could not deny her of anything she so evidently needs.

So in compliance to the promise he made her ( _take care of them for me_ ) he goes to see the small band of delinquents he went to the underworld and back to save, heading first to the tent that he assumes is Monty’s. The silence is loudest in the side of camp where the remaining 42 have been placed, and when he crosses the threshold of Monty’s tent (a big one they’d relocated from the dropship, where it was used for the brewing of moonshine before –well, before everything went to shit), he finds at least thirty of them in there. Some of them are bundled up together, others in pairs, and many awake. Jasper’s absence does not escape him, either.

When he walks in he is greeted by the hopeful looks of thirty plus teenagers with sunken faces, and before he knows it they're throwing themselves at him and hugging him like their lives depend on it. As a child, Octavia had been pretty affectionate –but it is one thing to be cared about by your sister, and another, very different one, to be cared about by children who owe you nothing (though some would argue they owe him their lives). Bellamy feels a sudden burst of affection for them, hugs them back just as fiercely as they hug him. When the hug fest is over, he ask each individual one how they are feeling, and though their faces are not ridden of the horrors of the mountain, they are cheerful and hopeful for the future.

“That’s great.” He tells them, smiling encouragingly “Clarke will be proud.”

He feels the size of his mistake way before he finishes uttering the sentence. Instantly, the kids ask for her, where she is, why she hasn't visited. How do you tell a bunch of kids their surrogate mom couldn't stand all she had to do to keep them alive and needed time on her own?

_But these are not kids_ , Bellamy thinks, _they haven’t been for a long time_.

“Clarke couldn't stay, guys.” He says. On the back of the tent, Monty looks unsurprised, but no less sad. Bellamy has a feeling Clarke told him too, after all, the three of them are all in this together, even if he'd like to take all the blame off the younger boy’s shoulders and bear it so he doesn’t have to –and he will, of that you can be sure. “But she'll come back.” Bellamy assures them, confidence in each syllable he speaks. He’s never been much for faith, but he has it that Clarke will return, he has to believe it (if not for the delinquents, then for his own sanity).

With some coaxing on his part, Bellamy accompanies them to breakfast at the mess hall, where he meets Kane’s approving stare with a blank one on his part. All he cares is that his kids are cared for. They're soon joined by Octavia and Lincoln, then Wick, that moustachey guy who carried Raven back to the Ark, and he’s so glad for all the small victories that he manages to stop thinking of Clarke for half an hour so he can eat.

He spends the day wandering about camp, making sure everyone is settled, has a place to sleep and at least one meal on their stomach. Many times he asks Clarke’s opinion on something before he takes a decision, only to remember not without pain that she is no longer residing with the rest of them; and he ends up so exhausted he crashes on his bed. While asleep, he reaches for her, his dreams haunted with the feel of her arms around him and the absolution she refused to take from him.

Clarke is gone, yes, and it hurts like hell and he knows not how to feel about it –he’s sad, of course, he feels an emptiness in a place of him with a distinct Clarke-like shape, but he’s also enraged and numb, he hasn't settled for one emotion yet–, but life goes on and it doesn't wait for anyone, so Bellamy resolves to live one day at a time and wait for the moment his princess is ready to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd love it if u guys left an opinion in a comment or in my tumblr (i'm wanderinglilly there too), i hope you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> this is unbeta'd and all mistakes are mine pls don't hate me  
> also comment if you'd like?
> 
> PS: this is going to alternate: one chapter on the point of view of one of the guys (like o, raven, miller and so on) and one of bellamy, and eventually one of clarke


End file.
